#1 humor site on the 'net

Join Me For A Swim

While Mom's away the baby will play

Join Me For A Swim thanks to Howard Chapman

Baby bath for the practical Joe-ker

QuotaBills
Hasta la vista, baby. - Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. - American Proverb

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you. - Jay-Z

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. - Robin Williams

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim. - Frida Kahlo

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Many people cycle or swim to keep trim. But if swimming is so good for the figure, how do you explain whales? - Charles Saatchi

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Nuts And Fruitcakes

Spiral Staircase

Scubaru

Nordern Minnesota Yeneral Store

Pigeon Drink

Epic Turban

Healthy Breakfast

Motorcycle Campers

Canadian Banknotes - Extreme Makeover For Toonie

Wheelchair Mower

How To Fail at Photoshopping Pictures

Life Expectancy by Age

Construction Clouds

It's Been A Good Day

Worst Aid

Dyslexic Camper

Moon Filament

Car Dirt Art

Newfie Swimming Pool

Stoned Sign

Redneck Plumbers

Someone Stole A Cracker

Moose Pedestrian