Happy Mother's Day

Silence is the mother of truth. - Benjamin Disraeli

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

For when a child is born the mother also is born again. - Gilbert Parker

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Charley Benetto

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. - Abraham Lincoln

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. - Linda Wooten

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren