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Grandma's Remedies

How to control digestion and high blood pressure

Grandma's Remedies thanks to Mike King

Living to a ripe old age

“For better digestion, I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick!”

QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk. - Jacqueline Schiff

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Nothing is more despicable than a professional talker who uses his words as a quack uses his remedies. - Francois Fenelon

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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