Grandma's Remedies

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

The remedy for life's broken pieces is not classes, workshops or books. Don't try to heal the broken pieces. Just forgive. - Iyanla Vanzant

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville