Grandma's Remedies
How to control digestion and high blood pressure
Living to a ripe old age
“For better digestion, I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”
“When do you drink water?”
“I’ve never been that sick!”
QuotaBillsHealth food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx
The remedy for life's broken pieces is not classes, workshops or books. Don't try to heal the broken pieces. Just forgive. - Iyanla Vanzant
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe
In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville