Grandma's Controller

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! - Homer Simpson

Babysitters: Girls you hire to watch your television set. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Television has been the single greatest shaper of emptiness. - Ravi Zacharias

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow. - Proverb

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

TV is simply a place where people go when they get tired of thinking. - Kevin Devitte

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

While your circumstances are beyond your control, your character is not. - John C Maxwell

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon

If you want to control someone, all you have to do is to make them feel afraid. - Paulo Coelho

How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete. - C S Lewis

She was starting to think that it might be fun to be in control of the universe. - Nicki Elson

The wise man should be prepared for everything that does not lie within his control. - Pythagoras

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing. - Lemony Snicket

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public. - Douglas Coupland

If you can't control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked. - Book of Proverbs

Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. - C S Lewis

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room. - Red Skelton

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

I don't run restaurants that are out of control. We are about establishing phenomenal footholdings with talent. - Gordon Ramsay

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. - Denis Waitley