Grandma's Controller

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

A TV licence is a licence to print money. - Roy Thomson

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Control your own destiny or someone else will. - Jack Welch

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control. - Steven Wright

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free. - Jason Love

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

Rockets often spiral out of control if you put too much propellant in them. - Steve Jurvetson

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - Woody Allen

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo

I chose the Egyptian dream: the dream to make a TV show, and then be called an infidel by the end. - Bassem Youssef

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon