Grandma's Controller

Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

A TV licence is a licence to print money. - Roy Thomson

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

When I was your age, television was called books. - William Goldman

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Lord, give me chastity and self-control, but not just yet. - St. Augustine

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti

Getting an award from TV is like being kissed by someone with bad breath. - Mason Williams

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? - George Carlin

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - Woody Allen

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown

Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham

You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside. - Mr. Yoga

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. - Victor Hugo

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

There is no way you can get people to believe you on screen if they know who you really are through television. - Jack Nicholson

Dignity comes not from control, but from understanding who you are and taking your rightful place in the world. - Gordon Atkinson

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. - Dale Carnegie

Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self control. Energy within and energy without. - Ymber Delecto

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright