#1 humor site on the 'net

Good Boy

How to teach a dog to read your mind

Good Boy thanks to Howard Chapman

The new science of understanding dog behavior

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

One trained dog equals 60 search-and-rescue workers. - Charles Stoehr

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Tent Peg Setup

Fang Treats

Model T Snowmobile

Skinny Puddy Tat

Redneck Cocktail

Drug Dog Search

Vice Grip Handles

Nouveau Riche

Triple Bypass Burger

Hyphenated Names

Indian Fish Pond

Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk

Dates For Everyone

Max Occupancy Rounded to 100