Girlfriends

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

A song will outlive all sermons in the memory. - Henry Giles

Her husband was infidelicate with another woman. - Archie Bunker

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Veiled Threat: When your girlfriend hints at a wedding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jello: The only food your husband has ever learned to cook - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

The husband who desires to surprise is often very much surprised himself. - Voltaire

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. - Tom Ward

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband. - American Proverb

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me. - Groucho Marx

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can even call yourself a beginner. - Jerry Seinfeld

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them. - Steven Wright

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks. - Rick Lantern

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer