Dad's Turn

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Hasta la vista, baby. - Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Stoic: De boid what brings de babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. - Unknown

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Of all the titles I've been privileged to have, 'Dad' has always been the best. - Ken Norton

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Lookin' back all I can say about all the things he did for me is I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be. - Brad Paisley

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo