#1 humor site on the 'net

Cooking For Guys

Cookbook for a bachelor's kitchen

Cooking For Guys thanks to Howard Chapman

Meal recipe for a bachelor: (A) simple, (b) quick, and (C) lots of it

QuotaBills
Raisin cookies are why I have trust issues. - Unknown

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

I'm a terrible cook, but I make very good lobster salad. - Nancy Carell

A crude meal, no doubt, but the best of all sauces is hunger. - Edward Abbey

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

If you play acoustic guitar you're the depressed, sensitive guy. - Elliott Smith

I'm a guy who can't function well in life, but I can in art. - Woody Allen

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York. - Steven Wright

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Opera: where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. - Robert Benchley

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

Here's a last bequest: I don't want that guy sayin' my last urology. - Archie Bunker

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

The guy went into the Capitol under the dome and was sellin' the teapots on the side. - Archie Bunker

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. - George Burns

The secret of managing is to keep the 5 guys who hate you away from the 5 guys who are undecided. - Casey Stengel

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I like cookies, any cookie you put in front of me - animal cookies, sugar cookies, anything crunchy. - Maria Shriver

I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. - George Costanza

I tend to play mostly villains and twisted people. Unsavory guys. I think it's my face, the way I look. - Christopher Walken

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

All guys are scared of each other, didn't you know that? I'm not the only one. We're all born afraid. - Cornell Woolrich

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

I tell ya, I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighbourhood!" - Rodney Dangerfield

I love spaghetti. And I like to cook spaghetti. And I used to eat it every day. I weighed thirty pounds more than I do now. - Christopher Walken

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make. - Unknown


Dead Hand

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

A Dog's Seeing Eye Dog

Stop The Pipeline

Fake Brakes

Business In Front, Party In Back

Co-Pilot Seat

Beard Fashion

Canadian Parking

Car Wrecker

Redneck Faucet

Feather Cleaning

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Tough Love

Easter Island

Flood Bridge

Don't Count On It

Upended Water Buffalo

Face Heater

Leap Year Shirt

World's Greatest Typo

Icehenge

Found It!

Puma Pants