#1 humor site on the 'net

ChristMoose Tree

Merry Moosemas

ChristMoose Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Perfect Christmas tree for Redneck hunters

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Moose are the squirrels of Alaska. - Tim Moon

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

That isn't the plural of moose. It's moosi. - Mikey Way

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on earth. - Daniel M Ortberg

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips. - Joan Rivers

I'm as strong as a bull moose and you can use me to the limit. - Theodore Roosevelt

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Moose: An animal that has a head and horns on one end and a living room wall on the other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I pranced around the room like a blind moose, but what I lacked in grace I made up for in effort. - Kiera Cass

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Sometimes an alien would stand with a moose, not because of solidarity, but because of accidentally doing it. - Tao Lin

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to 'prove their love' like a moose needs a hat rack. - Abigail VanBuren

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. - Bill Bryson

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson


Great Quotes (B)

Wayne's Fish

If You're Happy And You Know It

Deer Hunter Tattoo

Nope, Didn't See A Thing

Man Sues Wife Over Make-Up

Down Under Bronco Riding For Kids

Re-Ewes Me

It's A Keeper

Plankstanders

Millionaire Women

Laptop Cooler

Scan Scam

Motorcycle Taxi

I've Got Time

Clangeroo

Redneck Cooler

Instead Of Flowers

Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side

I Love Summer

Karma Towing

Salmon-chanted Evening

Hands On Tree

Fart Facts