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Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

If you think you have influence, try ordering some else's dog around. - Amish Saying

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Fence: 1. The difference between one yard and two yards; 2. Runs around the garden without moving. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

I was a huge bookworm as a kid, and you could usually find me reading something with a dragon on its cover. - Julie Kagawa

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks. - Rick Lantern

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden