#1 humor site on the 'net

Centipede Pumpkin

Keeping trick-or-treaters off the back porch

Centipede Pumpkin thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
So many horrid Ghosts. - William Shakespeare

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

I've made a career off of Halloween. - Cassandra Peterson

Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business. - Salman Rushdie

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold

It's easier to dismiss ghosts in the daylight. - Patricia Briggs

Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later. - Unknown

Costumes and scenery alone will not attract audiences. - Anna Held

At night, here in the library, the ghosts have voices. - Alberto Manguel

The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited. - Stephen King

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts. - Helen Stringer

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

The pumpkin is always oranger on the other side of the patch. - Unknown

I don't believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me. - Amit Abraham

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

To be haunted is to glimpse a truth that might best be hidden. - James Herbert

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee

Walkie Talkie: What you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

Misers part with nothing until they die. Then they give up the ghost. - Latin Proverb

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Take care of your costume and your confidence will take care of itself. - Amit Kalantri

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. - H L Mencken

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen

The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence

You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure. - Zig Ziglar

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney

This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

My favorite word is 'pumpkin.' You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am. - Harrison E. Salisbury

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves. - Laurie H. Anderson

The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive. - Rob Montgomery

The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did. - L.M. Montgomery

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Corpse pose restores life. Dead parts of your being fall away, the ghosts are released. - Unknown

I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega

Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani

I'd rather sit alone on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey

Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. - Douglas Coupland

Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli

I wouldn't describe myself as lacking in confidence, but I would say that the ghosts you chase you never catch. - John Malkovich

I was Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn, son of Mab, former prince of the Unseelie Court, and I was not afraid of a witch on a broom. - Julie Kagawa

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good one are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon. - Unknown

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien


Flywood

Ukraine Aid

Handicap Motorcyclist

Auto Warranty: New Extend-ed Coverage

Messerschmitt

UNinvolved

Plane Oops!

Manitoba Home Security System

Outdoor Pool

Working From Home

Snowbound Train

Smirnoff Women

Redneck Dent Repair

Cocktail Shirt

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Boy George or Boy Gorge?

Tall Guy Bike

Lord Voldemort Rock

Illusionary

Copperhead Tree

Dream Big

Spot the Man's Head Hidden in the Coffee Beans

British Survey

Political Promise Transporter