Car Plunge

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Substance is not enough, accident is also required. - Greek Proverb

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright