Car-Eating Cow

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? - Dr Gonzo

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

If I'm not eating donuts, I'm thinking about it. - Unknown

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? - George Carlin

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I'm such a foodie. If I see a pork chop, I'm eating it. - Josh Henderson

Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well. - Willi Hastings

Mrs. O'Leary's cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway. - Archie Bunker

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other milk. - Ogden Nash

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. - Grant Wood

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in a 7-Eleven, OK? - Dennis Miller

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans. - Ronald Reagan

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. - Fred Allen

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

Mankind has a free will; but it is free to milk cows and to build houses, nothing more. - Martin Luther

Being kissed by a man who doesn't wax his moustache is like eating an egg without salt. - Rudyard Kipling

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

I was in a sushi bar and it dawned on me - how could I discriminate between a cow and a fish? - Carre Otis

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

I'm not from a maple producing area and so my maple syrup credentials are very much of the eating side. - Nancy Greeme

When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. - Lin-Chi

Economies of scale are a good thing. If we didn't have them, we'd still be living in tents and eating buffalo. - Jamie Dimon

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

For almost seventy years the life insurance industry has been a smug sacred cow feeding the public a steady line of sacred bull. - Ralph Nader

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright