#1 humor site on the 'net

Bonus Baby

From Planned Parenthood to Surprise Parenthood

Bonus Baby thanks to Warren Ralston

Budgeting for two - affording twins

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. - American Proverb

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

The husband who desires to surprise is often very much surprised himself. - Voltaire

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. - George S Patton

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. - Jane Goodall

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik


Nintendo Motor

Responsible Hi-Tech Redneck

GoosePrints

Stairway Roots

I Love Thanksgiving

'Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

Turkey Not

Turkey Weather Forecast

Pass The CatSoup, Please

Peace Foot

Missing Piece Statue

Baby Juggling

Dog Tired After Work

How To Burn Fat

Canadian Car Crash

Treescape

Redneck Christmas Tree Transport

Three Cats Ago

That's Not A Knife

Someone Is Upset

Turkey Popcorn Dressing

Redneck Outhouse Throne

I'll Be Right There

How Not To Prop Start Your Plane