Bonus Baby

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Happiness was born a twin. - Lord Byron

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not its twin. - Barbara Kingsolver

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf. - Mark Twain

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt