Baby-Proof Christmas Tree

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Palm Tree: A tree with hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

Unclaimed Baby Sheep: No man's lamb - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Titillate: A tardy meal for a breast-fed baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Kidnap: 1. Something that a young child takes when tired; 2. When a baby goat sleeps. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

The axe cannot boast of the tree it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. He made it, he sharpened it, and he used it. - Samuel Brengel

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown