Aussie Bar Rules

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Imagination rules the world. - Napoleon

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

I never had a set of rules. Every situation is different. - Red Auerbach

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

Rules of society are nothing; one's conscience is the umpire. - Madame Dudevant

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Rules are made for people who aren't willing to make up their own. - Chuck Yeager

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

When New Zealanders emigrate to Australia, it raises the average IQ of both countries. - Robert Muldoon

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

There are three basic rules for great comedy. Unfortunately no-one can remember what they are. - Arthur Smith

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison