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Aussie Bar Rules

Australians aren't always Down Under

Aussie Bar Rules thanks to Eddy Joyce, Armadale, West Australia

Bartending signs for male and female customers in Australia

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

You want to invent new ideas, not new rules. - Dan Heath

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I never had a set of rules. Every situation is different. - Red Auerbach

Experience shows that exceptions are as true as the rules. - Edith Ronald Mirrielees

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Cambell

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

The world can't end today, because it's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

There are three basic rules for great comedy. Unfortunately no-one can remember what they are. - Arthur Smith

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

There are only two rules for being successful. One, figure out exactly what you want to do, and two, do it. - Mario Cuomo

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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