Texas Holiday Lights

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

There's something fundamentally wrong with bringing a knife to a gun fight. - Sean Connery

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Any gun in the hands of a decent person is no threat to anybody, except bad people. - Charlton Heston

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Pride causes us to use our gifts as though they came from ourselves, not benefits received from God, and to usurp our benefactor's glory. - Bernard of Clairvaux

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White