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Survivor - Texas Style (2013)

Updated series reflects latest Texas trends

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: “Survivor - Texas-Style!” The lucky contestants will all start in Keller, then to Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and Keller. Finally back to Dallas.
Survivor - Texas Style (2013) thanks to Jim Serritella

Last show there were few survivors...

Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with ten bumper stickers which read:
1. “I’m A Democrat”
2. “Amnesty For Illegals”
3. “Boycott Beef”
4. “George Strait Sucks”
5. “Re-elect Obama In 2016”
6. “Rosie O’Donnell Is Texas Born”
7. “I Love Obamacare and Chuck Schumer”
8. “It’s Bush’s Fault”
9. “Islam Is A Peace-Loving Religion”
10. “I’m Here To Confiscate Your Guns”

The first contestant to make it back to Dallas - ALIVE - wins.

QuotaBills
Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

Oppression can only survive through silence. - Armen de Monteflores

I don't want to survive. I want to live. - 12 Years a Slave

Survival is a major contributor to longevity. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

We'd show an Alzheimer's survivor here, if there were one. - Unknown

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. - Victor Hugo

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

Better one line that will survive the author than a hundred books outlived. - Unknown

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. - Doug Larson

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive. - Andy Grove

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

It is not so much where my motivation comes from but rather how it manages to survive. - Louise Bourgeois

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

It used to be that people needed products to survive. Now products need people to survive. - Nicholas Johnson

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. - William Glasser

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

The ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time. - Unknown

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. - Oscar Wilde

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive, but those who can best manage change. - Charles Darwin

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. - Virginia Satir

Love, like democracy, can survive almost any attack - except neglect, indifference and maybe an arrow in the back. - Unknown

Plenty of people who survive tragedies end up ambivalent about danger--frightened by it, yet strangely drawn to it. - Keith Ablow

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. - J K Rowling

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

Victory at all cost, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival. - Winston Churchill

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall. The most exacting test of all is to survive prosperity. - Oswald Sanders


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