Slum Penthouse

What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. - Twyla Tharp

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

Marrying is easy - it's housework that's hard. - Proverb

Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. - Unknown

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

To be happy in the home is the ultimate result of all ambition. - Samuel Johnson

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. - Bob Newhart

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

Strength of character may be learned at work, but beauty of character is learned at home. - Henry Drummond

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. - George Bernard Shaw

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Maybe more youngsters would stay home at nights if they were not afraid to stay alone at nights. - Herbert Prochnow

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. - Lin Yutang

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

You reached into my soul and rearranged the position of my bones,
You rebuilt my rib cage so your heart could be home. - Unknown

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright