Slum Penthouse

Love begins at home. - Mother Teresa

Bird House: Home Tweet Home. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

It is easier to demolish a house than to build one. - Irish proverb

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. - Jane Austen

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

An empty purse and a new house make a man wise, but too late. - Portuguese Proverb

It's a sad house where the hen crows louder than the cock. - Scottish Proverb

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Go big or go home. Because it's true. What do you have to lose? - Eliza Dushku

It's very hard to make a home for a man if he's always in it. - Winifred Kirkland

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

Welcome to our home. And as yous people say "shaboom" (shalom) - Archie Bunker

Preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known. - Carl Sagan

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds come home to roost. - Arthur Miller

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

Maybe more youngsters would stay home at nights if they were not afraid to stay alone at nights. - Herbert Prochnow

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

My cell phone is acting up - I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. - Unknown

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. - Martha Stewart

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. - Dolly Madison

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright