Ruined Day

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. - Benjamin Franklin

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

He that will not reflect is a ruined man. - Asian Proverb

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. - Gore Vidal

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

A man who is used to acting in one way never changes; he must come to ruin when the times, in changing, no longer are in harmony with his ways. - Niccolo Machiavelli