#1 humor site on the 'net

Royal Knit Wit

Prince William knits clothing for Prince George

Royal Knit Wit thanks to Chris Johnson

Designing a unique baby gift

QuotaBills
Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Brevity is the soul of wit. - William Shakespeare

A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

What Britain needs is an iron lady. - Margaret Thatcher

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

The well of true wit is truth itself. - George Meredith

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament. - Lord Burleigh

You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready. - Henny Youngman

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant. - William Congreve

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

A wise man will live as much within his wit as his income. - Philip Dormer Stanhope

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

I will resist the urge to underestimate the complexity of knitting. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade. - Noel Coward

No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I will continue to freak out my children by knitting in public. It's good for them. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

SABLE - A common knitting acronym that stands for Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees is the high road that leads him to England. - Samuel Johnson

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either. - Elizabeth Zimmermann

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit; the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. - G K Chesterton

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

Is not your voice broken, your wind short, your chin double, your wit single, and every part about you blasted with antiquity? - William Shakespeare

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

There is practically no activity that cannot be enhanced or replaced by knitting, if you really want to get obsessive about it. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

The greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world is that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool. - Jonathan Swift

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts


One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk

Dates For Everyone

Max Occupancy Rounded to 100

Group Photo

Awning Truck Advertising

Harley Load

Face To Face

Who Needs Physics?

Benched Puppies

Water Relief

Shot Glasses

Men in Denim

Chocolate Couch

Ant Attack

Extreme Pressure Cooker

Just Thinking

Nothing Wrong Picture

Lipstick Dog

Hair Strengthener