#1 humor site on the 'net

Royal Knit Wit

Prince William knits clothing for Prince George

Royal Knit Wit thanks to Chris Johnson

Designing a unique baby gift

QuotaBills
Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Impropriety is the soul of wit. - W Somerset Maugham

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Wit is an explosion of the compound spirit. - Karl W.F. Schlegel

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

English Wrestling Champion: A lord of the ring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. - Mark Twain

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

What Great Britain calls the Far East is to us the near north. - Robert Gordon Menzies

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. - William Hazlitt

To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day. - W Somerset Maugham

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

Civilization - a heap of rubble scavenged by scrawny English Lit. vultures. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees is the high road that leads him to England. - Samuel Johnson

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit; the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. - G K Chesterton

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done. - Ronnie Corbett

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

The greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world is that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool. - Jonathan Swift

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts


Water Aerobics

Weight Watchers Bus

Owl Perch

Stuck On High Gear

Downhill Safari

First Drink And Drive Promo

Lottery Chances

Owl Pose

Magnetic Personality

Broken Window Repair

Zamboni Mohawk

Hand Tool

Lane Closure

Chainsaw-Powered 'Dolmette' Super-Motorcycle

Lego Wall Repair

High Tensile Snow

Newborn Canadian

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Drawn To Curiosity

Redneck Cook

Owl Friends

Economy Hit Hard

Baby Sidecar

Useless Fire Extinguishers