Royal Knit Wit

Brevity is the soul of wit. - William Shakespeare

Impropriety is the soul of wit. - W Somerset Maugham

A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

What Britain needs is an iron lady. - Margaret Thatcher

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The well of true wit is truth itself. - George Meredith

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. - Tracey Ullman

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Wit is an explosion of the compound spirit. - Karl W.F. Schlegel

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

English Wrestling Champion: A lord of the ring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready. - Henny Youngman

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant. - William Congreve

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

The monarchical institution in England is immensely valuable. - Malcolm Muggeridge

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

I will resist the urge to underestimate the complexity of knitting. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. - William Hazlitt

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

SABLE - A common knitting acronym that stands for Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either. - Elizabeth Zimmermann

The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit; the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. - G K Chesterton

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

There is practically no activity that cannot be enhanced or replaced by knitting, if you really want to get obsessive about it. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

There is not less wit, not less invention, in applying rightly a thought one finds in a book, than in being the first author of that book. - Pierre Boyle

Wit is the key, I think, to anybody's heart. Show me the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person with a toe tag. - Julia Roberts

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin