Royal Knit Wit

No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley

Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Brevity is the soul of wit. - William Shakespeare

A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

What Britain needs is an iron lady. - Margaret Thatcher

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

The well of true wit is truth itself. - George Meredith

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. - Tracey Ullman

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament. - Lord Burleigh

You have a ready wit. Let me know when it's ready. - Henny Youngman

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

A wise man will live as much within his wit as his income. - Philip Dormer Stanhope

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Germlish: Training done using a mixture of English & German - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You only have to survive in England and all is forgiven you. - Alan Bennett

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The monarchical institution in England is immensely valuable. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

I will resist the urge to underestimate the complexity of knitting. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. - William Hazlitt

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

Civilization - a heap of rubble scavenged by scrawny English Lit. vultures. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. - George Herbert

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

I will continue to freak out my children by knitting in public. It's good for them. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees is the high road that leads him to England. - Samuel Johnson

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Diatribe: 1. An extinct race; 2. The group of native Brits that worship the late Princess Diana. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done. - Ronnie Corbett

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

There is practically no activity that cannot be enhanced or replaced by knitting, if you really want to get obsessive about it. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

The greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world is that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool. - Jonathan Swift

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork