#1 humor site on the 'net

Openish Hours

Closed for good weather customers

Openish Hours thanks to Wayne Nowazek

We'e open around 10ish

QuotaBills
Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. - Ronald Reagan

A vacancy might be opening up right now, courtesy of the grim creaper - Archie Bunker

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. - Gertrude Stein

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

An opening statement is like a guide or a road map. It's a very delicate thing. - Johnnie Cochran

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn't walk to the donut shop. - Bill Murray

We meet today
To thank Thee for the era done,
And Thee for the opening one. - John Greenleaf Whittier

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class. - David Coleman

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage. - John A Holmes

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

To me, job titles don't matter. Everyone is in sales. It's the only way we stay in business. - Harvey Mackay

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

The key to a better life isn't always a change of scenery. Sometimes it simply requires opening your eyes. - Richelle E. Goodrich

People shop and learn in a whole new way compared to just a few years ago, so marketers need to adapt or risk extinction. - Brian Halligan

Forgiveness is a way of opening up the doors again and moving forward, whether it's a personal life or a national life. - Hillary Clinton

A good plate of sushi after an opening helps to soothe that post-opening blues - especially since you feel like raw meat yourself. - Jim Drain

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison


Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light

Can I Lick The Bowl

Redneck Shelves

Google Classic

In Touch Today

Delicious Grief

Amplified Beer

How to Twerk at Work

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally

Scooter Hearse

Thailand Ferry

Hard Hat Safety

Water Coolant

Spray-On Clothing

Bright Bookshelf

Saddle Surprise

Politicians Be Like

Senior Aerobics

Foiled Again

Redneck Beer Hunter

Pair Produce

Potting Pot