#1 humor site on the 'net

Open Position

Mom thinks someone's missing in this relationship

Open Position thanks to Roy Taylor

Expecting someone new in the family?

QuotaBills
Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Stick it all right into that bank suppository. - Archie Bunker

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill-bucket. - George Orwell

Never touch your idols: the gilding will stick to your fingers. - Gustave Flaubert

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

That which one fears, one typically won't embrace with open arms. - Morgan Rhodes

I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out. - Arthur Hays Sulzberger

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive. - Thomas C Haliburton

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here. - Groucho Marx

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers

Temptation usually comes in through a door that has been deliberately left open. - Arnold Glasgow

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

Your family is depending on you. No better reason to bring all your game all the time. - Grant Cardone

You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. - Unknown

Stick with the optimists. It's going to be tough enough even if they're right. - James Reston

Be open to learning new lessons even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday. - Ellen Degeners

In any war, the first casualty is common sense, and the second is free and open discussion. - James Reston

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

She is very proud to have won, and now she is in a very tough position. She is extremely brave. - Donald Trump

It is best to keep your mouth shut and be presumed ignorant than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Did you hear about the auto worker who was offered a position as president of a bank but couldn't afford the pay cut? - Unknown

When you hunt animals, you may succeed or not. But when you open the fridge, you will succeed a hundred percent of the time. - Nora Volkow

The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; and third, common sense. - Thomas Edison

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. - Booker T. Washington

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde


Newfie Steering Wheel Lock

Marriage Barrier

Redneck Wine Holder

Snow Wall

Cold One

Baby Chat

Window Cleaning On The Edge

Father Time Snowman

Back Pain

No Extras Massage

Gooooooooooogle Air

Hot Tub Hangups

Scenery Cut and Paste

Origin of the Whoopee Cushion

Better With A Beard

Canadian Winter Smile

Monkey Morning

Snow Geese

Walk The Line

Darth Vader Cool

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Cutting Edge Table

Wine Signs

Ring Seating