My Toaster Is Broken

Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. - Phyllis Diller

Old statisticians never die, they are just broken down by age and sex. - Unknown

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffet

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

The automatic stabilizer is unemployment insurance, food stamps, additional coverage of Medicaid. - Franklin Raines

He cared less, so they cared more. He said it was beautiful. I knew he was broken.This was his game. - Coco J. Ginger

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together. - Unknown

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

There is one longing almost as deep and imperious as the desire for food and sleep. It is the desire to be great. It is the desire to be important. - Dale Carnegie