My Toaster Is Broken

The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz

Laughter is brightest where food is best. - Irish Proverb

God is closest to those with broken hearts. - Jewish Proverb

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Love is a place for your heart to get broken. - Hector Schiller

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is. - Ireland Proverb

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken. - Albert Camus

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

There isn't a record in existence that hasn't been broken. - Chay Blyth

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. - James Beard

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved. - Christopher P. Rubero

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. - Groucho Marx

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together. - Unknown

In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker

Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying, once and for all. - Ovid

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo