My Toaster Is Broken

The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

Chocolate is more than a food, but less than a drug. - R J Huxtable

If I have one addiction in life, it's probably food. - Liam Hemsworth

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food. - Will Ferell

Food is not rational. Food is culture, habit, craving and identity. - Jonathan S Foer

The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

Birds with broken wings walking on the ground were once flying high up in the sky. - Mehmet M Ildan

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together. - Unknown

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

The two things that are going to make you a better baker without even trying are a scale and a thermometer in your oven. - Tom Douglas

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it's the endings we're unprepared for. - Katherine Owen

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com