My Toaster Is Broken

Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent

When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge. - Unknown

Love is a place for your heart to get broken. - Hector Schiller

His face was filled with broken commandments. - John Masefield

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is. - Ireland Proverb

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

Before eating, always take a little time to thank the food. - Arapaho Proverb

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

There isn't a record in existence that hasn't been broken. - Chay Blyth

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

I always had a fantasy of being a chef, because I like kitchen life. - Geoffrey Rush

My hour for tea is half-past five, and my buttered toast waits for nobody. - Wilkie Collins

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved. - Christopher P. Rubero

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. - Groucho Marx

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake. - Phyllis Diller

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

He cared less, so they cared more. He said it was beautiful. I knew he was broken.This was his game. - Coco J. Ginger

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock