Multitasking Mom

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle. - Phyllis Diller

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Mitch Albom

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller