#1 humor site on the 'net

Mad Mother Sale

Looking for a used truck in Wyoming?

Mad Mother Sale thanks to Wayne Nowazek

For times when the son forgets to use his brain

QuotaBills
Men are mad things. - William Shakespeare

Necessity is the mother of invention. - Unknown

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

Bagdad: What mother did when she met father - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. - Sophocles

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. - Lord Byron

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood. - Cindy Marzahn

My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate. - Unknown

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. - Unknown

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

If I didn't have you as a mom, I'd choose you as a friend. - Unknown

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. - Unknown

To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. - Clarence Darrow

No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy C Fisher

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

Grandmother, as she gets older, is not fading, but becoming more concentrated. - Paulette Alden

God pardons like a mother who kisses the offense into everlasting forgiveness. - Henry Ward Beecher

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Grandmother and grandchild never truly part, maybe in distance but never in heart. - Unknown

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

My nickname is 'Mom', but my full name is 'Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.' - Unknown

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. - G B Burgin

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

Modern Pioneer: The mother who manages to get through a rainy Saturday with the T.V. not working - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

A man never sees all that his mother has been to him until it's too late to let her know that he sees it. - W D Howells

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. - Norm Papernick

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. - Phyllis Diller

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than herself. - Unknown

Or maybe spring is the season of love and fall the season of mad lust. Spring for flirting but fall for the untamed delicious wild thing. - Elizabeth Cohen

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Bird Melons

Local Crabs

Black Golfer

Ostrich Imprint

Tea Party Weapon

Extra Space Bed

Unattended Children

ThrowYo

Cell Phone Warning

Umbrella Protection and Non-Protection

Husband Creche

Undertaker Bike

Road Sign Dictionary

Sandal Security

House Appraisal

Tongue Twister

Class Notes

The Perfect Male

Welfare Dogs

Internet Surfing

Chipotie Burger

Ant Virus

K9 Construction