QuotaBillsThank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin
I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern
Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman who lacks an eye. - Jean A Brillat-Savarin
Water Hazard: Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons
Bed and Breakfast: Two things the kids will never make for themselves - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert
Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna
Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown
Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
Jeet: (Southern) Have you recently had a meal? Usage: 'Jeet yet?' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. - Groucho Marx
A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett
Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg
Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer
No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker
Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard
You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner
You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver
If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah