#1 humor site on the 'net

Gin and Tonic Diet

The liquid diet plan, where you don't remember what you lost

Gin and Tonic Diet thanks to Howard Chapman

Losing weight can cost a British person several pounds

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller

Why y'all duded up lookin' like Errol Slim? - Archie Bunker

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have. - Winston Churchill

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. - Jim Eason

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

Once you lose the weight, you're really anxious to eat healthy. - Etta James

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good 'til as dead as a log. - Benjamin Franklin

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

Iceomaniac: One who has to go out of their way to step on thin ice to hear a satisfying crunching sound - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Reading a good book in silence is like eating chocolate for the rest of your life and never getting fat. - Becca Fitzpatrick

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. - Josh Billings

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. - Bertrand Russell

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who make you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. - Joanne Woodward

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I cook croquetas, and I eat jamon. I keep my diet 100% Mediterranean and drink my Rioja. In that sense, I have a piece of Spain in West Hollywood. - Paz Vega


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Nuts And Fruitcakes

Spiral Staircase

Scubaru

Nordern Minnesota Yeneral Store

Pigeon Drink

Epic Turban

Healthy Breakfast

Motorcycle Campers

Canadian Banknotes - Extreme Makeover For Toonie

Wheelchair Mower

How To Fail at Photoshopping Pictures

Life Expectancy by Age

Construction Clouds

It's Been A Good Day

Worst Aid

Dyslexic Camper

Moon Filament

Car Dirt Art

Newfie Swimming Pool

Stoned Sign

Redneck Plumbers

Someone Stole A Cracker

Moose Pedestrian