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Family Planning Advice

Care in rearing the young

Family Planning Advice thanks to Barry McCartney

Hospital-recommended entrance plan

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Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

In a mad world only the mad are sane. - Akira Kurosawa

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. - Friedrich Nietzsche

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. - Lois Wyse

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault


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