Early Shave

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Desperation is a fellow shaving before stepping on the scales. - Unknown

I really mustache you a question... but I'll shave it for later. - Unknown

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

One day you look in the mirror and realize the face you are shaving is your father's. - Robert Harris

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I learned at an early age that if you are nice to men, you can get anything you want from them. - Natalie Wood

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer