Early Shave

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Eat: What kids do between meals, but not at them - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Desperation is a fellow shaving before stepping on the scales. - Unknown

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Water Hazard: Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I really mustache you a question... but I'll shave it for later. - Unknown

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I learned at an early age that if you are nice to men, you can get anything you want from them. - Natalie Wood

Supporting myself at an early age was the best training for life I could have possibly received. - Lea Thompson

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com