#1 humor site on the 'net

Do Not Touch Sign

How to keep people away from the site

Do Not Touch Sign thanks to Howard Chapman

Shocking safety message

QuotaBills
Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda

Do not employ handsome servants. - Chinese Proverb

I do not regret one moment of my life. - Lillie Langtry

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

They condemn what they do not understand. - Cicero

Do not let your fears choose your destiny. - Unknown

What you cannot enforce
Do not command. - Sophocles

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Do not overdo what has already been overdone. - Terence

Sports do not build character; they reveal it. - John Wooden

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand. - Baruch Spinoza

Those who dare, do; those who dare not, do not. - Unknown

Do not let us mistake necessary evils for good. - C S Lewis

People do not retire. They are retired by others. - Duke Ellington

All get what they want; they do not always like it. - C S Lewis

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. - Oscar Wilde

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. - Unknown

You do not get what you want. You get what you negotiate. - Harvey Mackay

The gods cannot help those who do not seize opportunities. - Chinese proverb

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. - Earl Wilson

Menopause in progress: go around and do not make eye contact. - Unknown

Men do not desire to be rich, but to be richer than other men. - John S Mill

Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job. - Unknown

Do not call for black power or green power. Call for brain power. - Barbara Jordan

You do not pay the price of success, you enjoy the price of success. - Zig Ziglar

Welcome anything that comes to you, but do not long for anything else. - Andre Gide

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau

Good leaders do not take on all the work themselves; neither do they take all the credit. - Unknown

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song. - Pope John Paul II

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride, because it shows you trust in your own powers. - Mother Teresa

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you; their tastes may not be the same. - George Bernard Shaw

The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not. - C S Lewis

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. - Stephen Covey

Do not trust your memory; it is a net full of holes; the most beautiful prizes slip through it. - George Duhamel

Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe. - Saint Augustine

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence. - C S Lewis

Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses. - Lady Gaga

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself any more. - Albert Einstein

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James

If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail. - Heraclitus

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The Sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. - Alexander Graham Bell

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history. - Aldous Huxley

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. - Bruce Lee

Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. - Epicurus

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash

Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of inflections
Or the beauty of innuendoes,
The blackbird whistling
Or just after. - Wallace Stevens

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G K Chesterton

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller


The Wheels of Life

Ford Door Lock

Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

Wiener Dog Safety

Donkey Refill

Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight