#1 humor site on the 'net

Do Not Touch Sign

How to keep people away from the site

Do Not Touch Sign thanks to Howard Chapman

Shocking safety message

QuotaBills
Things do not change; we change. - Henry David Thoreau

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

Stocks do not move unless they are pushed. - S Jay Levin

What I cannot create, I do not understand. - Richard Feynman

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

I do not believe in God and I am not an atheist. - Albert Camus

Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca

We have to pray on behalf of those who do not pray. - Mother Teresa

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley

Do Not Respond! No matter what anyone says about you. - Unknown

The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

What is faith unless it is to believe what you do not see? - St. Augustine

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. - George Jean Nathan

Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few. - Pythagorus

Ideologies do not map the complete living processes of a World. - William Irwin Thompson

Do not let your ambitions become a sanctuary for your failures. - Bryant H McGill

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. - WC Fields

Be wiser than other people, if you can, but do not tell them so. - Lord Chesterfield

I do not want horses or diamonds - I am happy in possessing you. - Clara Schumann

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page. - St. Augustine

If you can't sleep do not count the sheep, worship the Shepherd. - Unknown

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

Welcome anything that comes to you, but do not long for anything else. - Andre Gide

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again. - Richard Branson

I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

Do not be afraid of mistakes, providing you do not make the same one twice. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought. - Matsuo Basho

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

You do not lead by hitting people over the head; that is assault, not leadership. - Dwight D Eisenhower

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people. - Virginia Woolf

Do not be afraid to ask dumb questions; they are easier to handle than dumb mistakes. - Unknown

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. - Voltaire

Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway. - Elbert Hubbard

Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. - Oliver W. Holmes

You can't hit a target you cannot see, and you cannot see a target you do not have. - Zig Ziglar

I have only one eye, I have a right to be blind sometimes... I really do not see the signal! - Horatio Nelson

Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know. - Jeremiah 33:30

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. - George Orwell

There are many things we do not want in this world. Let us not just mourn them; let us change them. - Ferdinand Marcos

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

I do not ask for any crown but that which all may win; nor try to conquer any world except the one within. - Louisa May Alcott

Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. - Thomas Merton

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. - Jane Austen

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

They should have little disclaimer that says, "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!" - Robin Williams

Do not trap yourself into an owl's hooting sound
Where sad nights linger through the blackness of a hound - Munia Khan

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. - Bruce Lee

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare to attempt them, but they are difficult because we do not dare to say so. - Seneca

Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself, but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you. - Stewart E. White

We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already; we have the power to imagine better. - J K Rowling

Successful people are not those who do not fail. They are those who fail more than anyone, and simply refuse to accept it as the conclusion. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

I do not doubt that we would become more useful if we praised God more, and others would join us, for they would see that God has blessed us. - Charles Spurgeon

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell


Darth VadeHer

Submergible

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Someone Is Upset

Texas Diet

Moose Crossing

Lost Meal

Plane Oops!

The Wheels of Life

Nerd Shaving

Beethoven's Teacher

Coke's Special Ingredients

Weather Warning

Freedom At Last

Ebola Can Be Eaten

Open Face Sandwich

Busted Politician

Balanced Diet

African Wheelbarrow

Drain Swimmer

Just In Thyme

Tie Wrap Bumper

Mexican Salad Dressing

Leaning Bookshelves