Cracks Me Up

Wise Crack: A comedian with a PHD - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Helicopter: An egg beater with ambition - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

One good egg in a barrel of rotten apples. - Archie Bunker

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Egg: 1. A day's work for a hen; 2. A bird's hometown. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Necrophilia: The uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. - Will Rogers

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. - D.H. Lawrence

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

A reputation, once damaged, may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell