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Cracks Me Up

Which came first - the chicken or the egg?

Cracks Me Up thanks to Wayne Nowazek

An egglusion, one shell at a time

QuotaBills
Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wise Crack: A comedian with a PHD - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Helicopter: An egg beater with ambition - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

Necrophilia: The uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn't cook it! - Gordon Ramsay

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

The world is an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress. - Arthur Miller

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. - D.H. Lawrence

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

A reputation, once damaged, may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins


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