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Computer Support

Solving hardware problems one byte at a time

Tech Support:  How can I help you?

Female Caller:  “Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing.”

Tech Support:  “I will have a technician come over first thing this morning. Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can.”

When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was, and said what happened to it. This is what the technician found wrong...
Computer Support thanks to Jim Serritella

Computer Support thanks to Jim Serritella

Computer Support thanks to Jim Serritella

Tech Support:  “It must have been after the mouse!”

QuotaBills
The computer is a moron. - Peter F Drucker

Even snakes are afraid of snakes. - Steven Wright

Computer viruses should count as life. - Stephen Hawking

You can't write poetry on the computer. - Quentin Tarantino

Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. - Persian Proverb

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

Immunity to boredom gives the computer an edge. - Alan Lakein

Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. - John F Kennedy

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. - Jeff Pesis

It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut. - Robin Williams

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

The computer is down. I hope it's something serious. - Stanton Delaplane

Iconomic: Making do with fewer icons on your computer desktop - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. - Ken Olson

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake. - Bern Williams

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes. - H. Ross Perot

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

Please leave my computer alone. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat. - Heather Wolf

Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

Learning by doing, peer-to-peer teaching, and computer simulation are all part of the same equation. - Nicholas Negroponte

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

I use a computer. I don't know if that qualifies me as a techie, but I'm pretty good on the computer. - Leonard Nimoy

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. - Milton Berle

Man is the cheapest 150-pound nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. - NASA

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Edible: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney


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