Car-nage

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Is it wrong to drop drunks off at houses that aren't theirs? - Unknown

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. - Samuel Goldwyn

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Just get a bag and drop a dream in it, and you'll be surprised what happens. - Charles N. Reilly

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

At 79, if you drop something it just lies there. At 80, people pick it up for you. - Helen Van Slyke

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters! Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop! - W H Auden

He drained the cup of God's wrath bone dry, leaving not a drop for us to drink. - Richard A Bodey

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

I don't consider myself a heavy drinker, I often go hours without touching a drop. - Noel Coward

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? - David Mitchell

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of the missing drop. - Mother Teresa

It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage. - Melody Beattie

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Arthur Conan Doyle

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright