#1 humor site on the 'net

Captain Literate

Making sense of confusing English terminology

Captain Literate thanks to Howard Chapman

Learning English can be tough for foreign language students

QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. - Groucho Marx

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Synonym Bun: What a thesaurus eats for breakfast - Unknown

One must be a wise reader to quote wisely and well. - Amos Bronson Alcott

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

"Let 'em eat cake," to quote the late Mark Antonette. - Archie Bunker

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

A dinosaur out of context is like a character without a story. Worse than that, the character suffers from amnesia. - Jack Horner

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

I can remember a reporter asking me for a quote, and I didn't know what a quote was. I thought it was some kind of a soft drink. - Joe DiMaggio

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon


Canadian Winter Smile

Monkey Morning

Snow Geese

Walk The Line

Darth Vader Cool

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Cutting Edge Table

Wine Signs

Ring Seating

Snow Aerobics

25 Toes

Wedding Cake Dress

Bacon Soda Sales

Wet Insect

Chinese New Year Greetings

Gun Laws

Mounted Deer Antlers

Anti-Theft Car

SUV Haircut

Two Feet of Snow in Seattle

Chevforodge

Redneck Skurfing

Golf Prayer

Warmest Wishes for a Perfect Sunday