Calculus Drinks

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. - Blaise Pascal

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

If you took love out of the equation, I wouldn't know what else to write about. - Nick Cave

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

Ronald Reagan knew who he was. Barack Obama is still working through that equation politically. - Joe Scarborough

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

The words 'figure' and 'fictitious' both derive from the same Latin root, 'fingere.' Beware! - M.J. Moroney

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

Many training programs and often schools focus on just a skill or a kind of work competency. That's only half the equation. - Gerald Chertavian

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

You can't be afraid of getting old. Old is good, if you're gathering in life. Our band is good at understanding that equation. - Bruce Springsteen

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

Faith is not logical. But it isn't illogical either. Faith is theological. It does not ignore reality; it just adds God into the equation. - Mark Batterson

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

Charity is a very personal equation, like we say charity begins at home. It starts with your immediate help in the house: the people who work for you. - Malaika A. Khan