#1 humor site on the 'net

Best Kind Of Antique

I'm looking for something that's not really too old...

Best Kind Of Antique thanks to Keith Blake

Antique Table sale - daily

QuotaBills
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis

Old age is a wonderful disguise. - Katherine Applegate

The trick is growing up without growing old. - Casey Stengel

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

No one grows old by living - only by losing interest in living. - Marie Ray

I dreamed a thousand new paths... I woke and walked my old one. - Chinese Proverb

It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C S Lewis

You can get old pretty young if you don't take care of yourself. - Yogi Berra

Our youth we can have but today; we may always find time to grow old. - George Berkeley

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. - Mark Twain

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown

Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. - D.H. Lawrence

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton

Ever hear of the old saying, "grass don't grow on a busy street?" - Archie Bunker

The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones. - John Wooden

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

He's talking another war, an old war, ya know, 1812, the one between the states. - Archie Bunker

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

No matter how big and bad you are, when a 2-year-old hand you a toy phone, you answer it. - Unknown

There's an old saying, "Ya don't keep runnin' after you catch the bus." - Archie Bunker

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. - Lin Yutang

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I really believe that more harm is done by old men who cling to their influence than by young men who anticipate it. - Owen D. Young

Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. - Robin Casarjian

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin


Ruling On Criticism

Bacon Pancakes

Very Left Turn Driver

Cold Sermon

Store Tested Coffee

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

End Of The Line

Cow Vacation

Wheelchair Warriors

Women's Rights

Finger's House

Deplorter

Squeegee Clothing

Child's Decision Making Tree

Ambition

Cold Books

Ikea Blueprint

Waterslide Closet

Canadian Whiskey

Car-Eating Cow

Tea For Two

Paint Pants

Sea Sand Art

Grief Bacon