#1 humor site on the 'net

Alien Lodging

What are you - an overseas Chinese or an Alien?

Alien Lodging thanks to Roy Turkington

Why tourists in China need a permit to lodge

QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

When people are proud of their speech, be proud of your silence. - Luqman

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. - Max Eastman

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

Language: The blood of the soul into which thoughts run, and out of which they grow - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Sometimes an alien would stand with a moose, not because of solidarity, but because of accidentally doing it. - Tao Lin

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills. - Groucho Marx

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity. - John F Kennedy


SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised

Aisle Cleanup

His Dent

Car Surgeon

Slamming On Your Brakes

Need A Cigarette?

CardboardZilla

Weather Rock - For Accurate Forecasts

Water Taxi

Acapulco Waterfront Property

Just Blew It

Wouldn't want to scratch that fancy bed liner

Lunch Break

Digging One's Own Grave

See The Difference?

Gas and Dash

OctoMask

Bird on a Wire (past tense)

Workplace Hazards in Tasmania

Tiger On A Roll

Men's Golf Rules

Where Did He Go?

Sudden Invented Syndrome

Calculus Drinks