#1 humor site on the 'net

Advice for the Cat

Finding a safe time to speak 'out'

Advice for the Cat thanks to Mike King

On the inside looking out

QuotaBills
You gotta be kitten me. - Unknown

International Spade The Cat Week - Archie Bunker

Counsel: Advice with a price tag - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

Meow means "woof" in cat. - George Carlin

Whatever your advice, make it brief. - Horace

In giving advice I advise you, be short. - Horace

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

One can give advice comfortably from a safe port. - Johann Von Schiller

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

First Aid Kit: A cat that works for the Red Cross. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat. - Leo Dworkin

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

Advice is like mushrooms. The wrong kind can prove fatal. - Charles E McKenzie

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. - Rudyard Kipling

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

Biplane: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice you give others. - Amish Saying

Never worry about criticism from people you would never take advice from. - Unknown

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat. - Ogden Nash

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade without further introduction. - Mark Twain

The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. - Stephen Colbert

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

Advice from your friends is like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. - Unknown

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

There would be no sense in saying you trusted Jesus if you would not take his advice. - C S Lewis

Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice. - Charles Kettering

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

People advising others often forget that the same advice applies to their life as well. - Anuj Somany

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

Skunk: 1. A streamlined cat with a 2-tone finish and a fluid drive; 2. A community scenter. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli


Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding

Paddy Field Canal

Grow A Boyfriend

Mars Images

Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist

Curly Heels

Bottle Sneakret

Removed Posts

Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams