#1 humor site on the 'net

Wake Me At Noon

Pleasant dreams in the canine world

Wake Me At Noon thanks to Keith Blake

Time out for a Bulldog Browser nap

QuotaBills
Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Wake up from your fiestas! - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Why did I wake up in a garbage can? - Nicole Polizzi

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

A morning without coffee is like sleep. - Unknown

I'm good in bed. I can sleep all day. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep. - Yiddish Proverb

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. - Navajo Proverb

Dilemma of a student: Should I finish my homework or sleep? - Unknown

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. - Mark Twain

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with. - WC Fields

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

If you can't sleep do not count the sheep, worship the Shepherd. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more. - Wilson Mizner

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep. - Albert Camus

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living. - Pablo Neruda

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

For we are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little lives are rounded with a sleep. - William Shakespeare

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Dorothy was so happy to wake up in Kansas. Not I! I'd have looked for another cyclone and stood in its path! - Vivian Vance

A great many people, and more all the time, live their entire lives without ever once sleeping out under the stars. - Alan S. Kesselheim

I challenge you to make your life the masterpiece you want to paint, the novel you want to read, the day you want to wake to. - Toni Sorenson

Sometimes I feel like a groundhog. I wish that every time I saw my workplace I could just go down the hole and go off to sleep. - Sherry Bane

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


Handicap Motorcyclist

New Canada Bill

Staff Teeth

Funnel Farm

Buffalo Prod

Meat Pie

Where Nobody Speeds

A Fish Called Wanda - Uncut Version

Point Of View

Good Conductor

Kelp Us!

Croc Lunge

Tree Awning

Oversize Load

Redneck Spoon

Cheating

Be Very Quiet

Quick Rubik's Cube

Window Sundial

Helping Hands

Short On Electricity

Amish Friends

Spiral Roots

Tree Sorrow