#1 humor site on the 'net

Volunteer Fire Fighter

Some wide loads take up three Rhode Island lanes

Volunteer Fire Fighter thanks to Wayne Nowazek

A 'Ladder Day Saint' on his way to heaven

QuotaBills
Love is being stupid together. - Paul Valery

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Though patrician, he was also stupid. - Greek Proverb

I can't brain today. I have the dumb. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

My alone time is for everyone's safety. - Unknown

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid. - John Wayne

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw

I was deaf and dumb and blind to all but me, myself and I. - Loretta Young

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Safety Belt: The one you don't drink before driving home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Leaders don't set out to climb the ladder. They rise by lifting others up. - Jo Miller

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. - Mae West

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. - Louis C.K.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. - Voltaire

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

When you get on the boat that's saving you, don't pull up the ladder behind you. - Adrienne Clarkson

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin

Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. - Sam Levenson

Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid. - Dean Koontz

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Although I am not stupid, the mathematical side of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano. - Margot Asquith

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. - Jane Austen

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side. - Joseph Addison

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget. - Thomas Szasz

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork. - Mark Twain

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

If one can only see things according to one's own belief system, one is destined to become virtually deaf, dumb, and blind. - Robert A. Wilson

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

The talk you hear about adapting to change is not only stupid, it's dangerous. The only way you can manage change is to create it. - Peter F Drucker

In this industry, there are only two ways up the ladder. Rung by rung or claw your way to the top. It's sure been tough on my nails. - Jack Nicholson

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders. - Sloan Wilson

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Equal Rights Church

Bring me Solo and the Wookie

Monongahela River

Hockey Rivalry: Vancouver Canucks vs. Calgary Flames

Extreme Skateboarding

Dentist Drill

Rabbit Boost

Potting Pot

Devil's Food Rose Cake

Computer Memory Family

Tearable Puns

Baby Hatching

Free Paper

Welcome to New Zealand

Squeegee Clothing

Stay!

Ice Bird

Black Plague II

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Perfectly In Tune With Nature

Lawn Time Awakening

Flatulent Cow

Attention Span

Redneck Cat Found