Typewriting While Driving

History is more or less bunk. - Henry Ford

Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

History is written by the victors. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Well-behaved women never make history. - Maria Shriver

Stand up and walk out of your history. - Phil McGraw

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. - Will Rogers

It's a very good historical book about history. - Dan Quayle

The trouble with history is its dependence upon diplomats. - Gerald F Lieberman

U.S. history - that's part of your whole American heresy. - Archie Bunker

Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided. - Konrad Adenauer

If some countries have too much history, we have too much geography. - William Lyon Mackenzie King

We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it. - John F Kennedy

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte

History is a gallery of pictures in which there are few originals and many copies. - Alexis de Tocqueville

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I work with gold that holds history, diamonds that see the future, and rubies that long for love. - Waris Ahluwalia

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind. - Edward Gibbon

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. - Bil Keane

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. - Groucho Marx

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Mr. Gorbachev has apparently stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in recent Soviet history: Communism doesn't work. - Frank Zappa

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

I often say of George Washington that he was one of the few in the whole history of the world who was not carried away by power. - Robert Frost

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

Don't let the age on your driver's license determine your season in life. Everyone's growing seasons look a bit different. - Vicki Kuyper

A helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch in a railroad track ... an inch between a wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. - Henry Ward Beecher

God created us for love, for union, for forgiveness and compassion and, yet, that has not been our storyline. That has not been our history. - Richard Rohr

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright