Toilet Paper For The Mother-In-Law

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay