Toilet Paper For The Mother-In-Law

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay