#1 humor site on the 'net

This Is A Window

Guidelines for door-challenged employees

This Is A Window thanks to Mike King

How to safely make it to your office

QuotaBills
When one door shuts, a hundred open. - Spanish Proverb

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

If you want the girl next door, go next door. - Joan Crawford

A window of opportunity won't open itself. - Dave Weinbaum

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. - Milton Berle

Confidence is the hinge on the door to success. - Mary O'Hare Dumas

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. - Groucho Marx

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. - Marcelene Cox

Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door. - Emily Dickinson

It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows. - Steven Wright

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open. - Steven Wright

Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot. - Clarence Thomas

When the prison doors are opened, the real dragon will fly out. - Ho Chi Minh

Shut the door will the 2 of yas, we're catchin' ammonia. - Archie Bunker

listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go - e e cummings

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. - Coco Chanel

Temptation usually comes in through a door that has been deliberately left open. - Arnold Glasgow

We make our friends. We make our enemies. But God makes our next-door neighbour. - G K Chesterton

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. - Saul Bellow

The door that nobody else will go in at seems always to swing open widely for me. - Clara Barton

If a door slams shut it means that God is pointing to an open door further on down. - Anna Delaney Peale

A true friend is the one that's coming in the door while everyone else is going out. - Dr. Phil McGraw

You know that I'm at death's door. But the trouble is that I'm afraid to knock. - W Somerset Maugham

Faith goes up the stairs that love has built and looks out the window which hope has opened. - Charles Spurgeon

If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite. - William Blake

A habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain

You can tell a man isn't handy when he asks the man next door how to get blood off a saw. - Milton Berle

Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. - Ani DiFranco

When you're following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first. - Kelly Cutrone

May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings

“But it doesn't take a thousand men to open a door, my lord."
"It might to keep it open.” - Ursula K. Le Guin

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

No business can stay in business without customers. How you treat - or mistreat - them determines how long your doors stay open. - Harvey Mackay

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Thirteen roadways lead through life
To thirteen doors of death,
Homeward from foolish fears and strife
We float on failing breath. - Tao

It was any outcast's nightmare. If I looked carefully, I suspected I might find it beneath the black paint of the small acrylic by the window. - Nancy Werlin

Under the present circumstances, I would rather be a lap dancer than a woman MP - the hours are better and unruly male members are shown the door. - Allison Pearson

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller


Car Wrecker

Redneck Faucet

Feather Cleaning

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Tough Love

Easter Island

Flood Bridge

Don't Count On It

Upended Water Buffalo

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Face Heater

Leap Year Shirt

World's Greatest Typo

Icehenge

Found It!

Puma Pants

Polar Bear Attack

Foot Sign Language

Winter Tires

Hooters Face Mask

Latte Art

Whiskey Toothpaste

Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News