#1 humor site on the 'net

The Stare Down

Judging each other from a safe distance

The Stare Down thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Subwoofer: A dog who scuba dives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

Southpaw: A dog who is left-handed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Wok The Dog: Specialty at Vietnamese Restaurants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat. - Leo Dworkin

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

I've probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge. - Bill Murray

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her. - Montaigne

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman


Trudeau's Top Fails

Bathtub Opulence

Anger Release Machine

Inbread Cat

Madness in London

Crotch Rocket

Too Late Sign

Smart Car Security

Motorcycle Texting

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Fresh Out Of The Saddle

Monsoon TV

Radio Shack Closes Down

DIRK

Karate Sign Kick

Evel Knievel Tickets

LiverPool

Romanian Barbeque

Mexican Starfish

On Top Of Things

Beer Chess

The Art of Cropping

Copycat Pilot

Hungry For Justice