Texas Diet

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. - Unknown

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright