Texas Diet

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

Don't dig your grave with a knife and fork. - English Proverb

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright