#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas Diet

Everything is BIG in Texas - even their diets

Texas Diet thanks to Jim Farley

Where vegetarians don't dine

Texas Diet thanks to Jim Farley

Texas Diet thanks to Jim Farley

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. - Tom Stoppard

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Liam's like a man with a fork in a world of soup. - Noel Gallagher

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright


Greta on Chopsticks

Darkness Eliminator

Don't Touch Your Face

Pet Dentist

Falcon Resting in a Tree

Wine Day

Fishnet Table

Sink Lynx

No Swimming

Going Up

The Honey Truck

Flying is so Overrated

Wear Fur Without Killing Animals

Nutella Soother

Teaching Hotle

Cowgirl High Heels

Coast Guard Cutbacks

Woodpecker Trio

Evolution and Philosophy

Pizza Cutter

Polite Breakfast

UPS and DOWNS

Tea Lights

Follow Me Sandals