Texas 911

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Operator! Give me the number for 911! - Homer Simpson

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White