#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas 911

Keeping farms safe across the Deep South

Texas 911 thanks to joe-kster

Looks like the neighborhood is safe

Texas 911 thanks to joe-kster

QuotaBills
Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Operator! Give me the number for 911! - Homer Simpson

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

It's better to have a gun and need it, than to not have a gun and not need it. - Ricky

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure. - Lyndon B Johnson

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship. I really though we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared. - Betty White


Balanced Meal

Acoustic Hearing Aids

Redneck Advent Calendar

Programmer Logic

Lego Haircut

Lettuce Face

Hammock Wine

Catch Anything Lately?

Dead Batteries

Frozen Fish

How Do You Spell L-U-C-K-Y?

Stretch Line - Down To The Wire

Milkshake Diet

Bicycle Logging

Texas 4 Months Apart

Flat Tire Repair

Double Error Message

Redneck Candle

Tenacity

Better Call Saul

Hair Notes

Gold Silk Fabric

Orthodox Weapon

Chanukah Special