#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas 911

Keeping farms safe across the Deep South

Texas 911 thanks to joe-kster

Looks like the neighborhood is safe

Texas 911 thanks to joe-kster

QuotaBills
Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

Operator! Give me the number for 911! - Homer Simpson

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim


Impossible Object

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Blinker Fluid

Dutch Rollerblades

Goat Tree

Mind The Pedestrians

Trapped in the 5th Dimension

Job Retraining

Wet Floor Caution

Chef Multitasking

Camera Waterfall

Irony Pin

Cellfies

Where Safety Begins

Bad Ass Fire Truck

What A Deal

Moon Theft

Sushi Spine

Redneck Skateboard

Polar Bear Photographer

Friday the 13th

LadyNet

I Can Explain It

Parallel Parking Car