#1 humor site on the 'net

SharpShooter

Early target practice for Little Johnny

SharpShooter thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
My own tax expert, H & R Crock. - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The expert in anything was once a beginner. - Unknown

Expert: a man who makes his mistakes quietly. - Unknown

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

Expert: Someone who brings confusion to simplicity. - Gregory Nunn

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. - Laurence J. Peter

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. - Nicholas M Butler

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you. - Mae West

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

An expert knows the subject very well. A model teaches by showing instead of just telling. - Thomas Leonard

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

For short term relaxation, I take a hot tub. It's my best way to unblock writer's block. - Ellen Hopkins

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. - Laurence J Peter

Recognize that giveaway items serve as silent ambassadors, reinforcing your Expert Identity - choose them carefully! - Susan Friedmann

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown

On the subject of wild mushrooms, it is easy to tell who is an expert and who is not: the expert is the one who is still alive. - Donal Henahan

If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Fox Hunting Madness

Emperor Penguins

The Side Effects of Veganism

Stair Railing Electrician

Cold Faucet

Make Womb For Baby

Hardtail Bike

Birth Control Kit

Come-Back Line Of The Year

Duck Gears

Chewing Gum Hazard

Keyboard Seating

Bent Over

Whatchamacallit Car

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gone To Market

Peak Bernie

Female IT Experts

Obi-Juan Kenobi

Fuse ReplaceMeant

Student Food Strainer

IBITE

Slide-n-Freeze

Lizard Guitar