QuotaBillsIn wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder
Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling
Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster