Racial Profiling Starts Early

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Inspiration is remembering the future. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

No one was ever great without some portion of divine inspiration. - Cicero

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The real pros get up and go to work. - Harvey Mackay

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas Edison

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I think of inspiration as desire infused with spirit and topped with an almost reckless optimism. - Fred White

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. - Evan Esar

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet. - Randy Pausch

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

When I know that, if I have no inspiration whatsoever, when I come and I just feel empty, I have nothing, I know that I can still play the scene. - Christopher Walken

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer